I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
