I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he puts the penis in happiness.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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