i wish my penis had a tongue
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
