I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize