wanna go halves on a baby?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
