well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
