i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
