RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
