shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
