Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
