Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
