It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
