im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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