So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
