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My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
