dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize