In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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