I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
