names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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