I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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