happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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