THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
