i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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