No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
