Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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