I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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