my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
