the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
