he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
