he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
