jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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