Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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