Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
40s are totally the cure
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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