An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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