I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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