If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
