did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
