i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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