went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
