My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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