Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
be right there i have to get my cape
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im part way to drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
