I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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