NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
