im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
