i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize