she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
