i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
