I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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