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drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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