I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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