Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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