can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
