I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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