guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
