separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
