the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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