hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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