So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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