so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
