I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
