Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
