I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
