I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
