Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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