My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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