mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
