he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
sex in a hospital.. check
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
