I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
