Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
