so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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