Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
