btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
