Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
