how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
