i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
