Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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