the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
