I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
