On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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