I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
