I think I won the penis lottery.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize