Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
