It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
