I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
