oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
