my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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