We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
