I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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