please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
