i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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